


It will come back

by L1233



Category: Tiny Meat Gang (Band)
Genre: And actually communicate, Angst and Feels, Arguing, But they get better, Cheating, Emotional Hurt, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, I make them go to therapy, Idiots in Love, M/M, OOC, Sexuality Issues, Toxic Relationship
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-13
Updated: 2021-03-08
Packaged: 2021-03-13 02:41:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,496
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29394957
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/L1233/pseuds/L1233
Summary: The news hit him like a freezing knife to the gut, his insides shake and cramp with the air that leaves his lungs as his heart stutters and misses a beat inside his ribcage.
Relationships: Cody Ko & Noel Miller, Cody Ko/Noel Miller
Comments: 1
Kudos: 21





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Here I am, injecting angst into the tmg tag, once again, 
> 
> as I try to cope with some things,
> 
> Enjoy 💛

The news hit him like a freezing knife to the gut, his insides shake and cramp with the air that leaves his lungs as his heart stutters and misses a beat inside his ribcage. 

His foggy eyes focus on the screen again and what feels like a soundless scream logs itself in his throat as he wills the words to disappear, but they don't, neither do the images, and he gags as it all seems to taunt him. The scream turns into bile and his turning stomach threatens to empty itself in the middle of their living room, on  _ their _ tiles and he can't, he-

Cody holds his own wrist to steady his phone and reads the messages again. He rubs circles over his chest as he refreshes the app again just for the images to keep piling up, he worries a trembling lip between his teeth as he looks around their flat searching for something -reassurance? Answers?- Cody doesn't fucking know but his chest feels too tight, like a balloon stretched too thin and there's a noise at the back of his mind that's starting to sound too loud to his overloaded senses and he can't tear his gaze away from his phone even as he sees his name pop on his screen.

_ 'It's a joke, it has to be a fucking joke, _ ' Cody rants as he's trying to keep his breathing even, trying to search through his muddled brain for the mantras his doctor thought him but they're all tainted cause he was always there to breathe with him and now…  _ now. _

Now Cody can't even fucking breathe cause Noel trained him, he played him like a ragdoll and then tossed him to the side. Cody can't breathe without him but he's not there with him and he has the proof on his hand, on the phone that they bought last fucking week when they went out to eat and broke his last one as they fooled around while they waited for their food, and what now? 

They were fine, they were more than fine, Cody looks around again as if asking their things why? as if their hanging jackets could tell him how it happened? He stares at their used mugs trying to figure out when it all began? 

Their life seems so insignificantly small now, so staged, carbon copies propped up over white walls and cold concrete to make the perfect sense and he believed it, God did he believed it. Cody thrived on their little life for years, like an idiot, he built their supposedly shared dream and laid down on their bed alone as Noel strung him along. 

Cody fell asleep on his sweet promises but they were rotten since who knows when, nothing but empty words to keep his mind at ease. He can almost feel his breath against his neck, bright eyes looking down at him with a smirk firmly placed on his face but now he can't make out his words, can't remember the taste of his lips without feeling disgusted, like biting into a putrid apple bathed in honey to trick him.

His phone keeps buzzing and Noel's stupid petname flashes like a neon sign drilling his pain through his skull. Cody considers throwing the damned thing away but another glimpse at one of the pics as his call goes to voicemail halts his movements.

His arm stings and Cody's taken back as he realises he's been scratching at a spot under his pulse point, the skin's flushed and raised as his small nails bump into old scars, they can't do much damage but he can't remember the last time he's hurt himself and rage fills the hole in his gut for a moment. 

He hasn't hurt himself in years and Noel won't get him to relapse again, Cody won't let him.

A jolt on the door startles him out of his thoughts and his nerves skyrocket as he guesses who's on the other side, Cody squares his shoulders up and brushes his hair back as he tries to prepare himself for this.

"Let the last scene begin," he whispers with a self-deprecating smile.

  
  


"Cody? Cody I know you're inside let me in!" Noel's voice carries through the wood and the almost desperate edge to it makes something ugly settle on his chest.

_ He has no right, no fucking right. _

"Let… God please, Cody let me explain, it's not like that, please open up." Noel must think he's stupid, he truly does, otherwise Cody doesn't know how could someone try to lie this blatantly.

A stupid horribly loud sob escapes his mouth and his shaking hands come up to stiffen any other sound that may want to betray his breaking heart to Noel but Cody knows it's too late as the knocking on the door doubles down.

"Don't- Please darling, please let me in, I'm here, please just… fuck!-'' the faint sound of keys jingling stop and there's a clattering noise on the other side. "Cody, please."

He doesn't know if it's the fucking  _ darlin _ g whispered so brokenly, or Noel's urgent tone that makes him move closer to the door, but he does, Cody rest his heated forehead against the cold wall besides the door and whimpers quietly as he hugs himself tightly.

It's not only his weakness for the man pounding on their door, there's also the small rational part of his brain that knows he'll have to let him in eventually, but he's scared. Cody's terrified, everything went to shit too soon and he just wants to understand why.

"Don't wanna," Cody rasps out like a petulant child but everything is too much and he can't cope with this. He just wants to crawl inside their bed and wake up to strong arms wrapped around his stomach. 

Cody wants this all to be a fucking nightmare.

"Darling, please, I need to see you, please let me see you just once, I'm- it feels like I'm going insane Cody, please let me in." His voice comes from the bottom of the door and he can't fight the need to curl up against him. Noel's been his fucking pillar for years, and he's never been that strong, so Cody does just that. He lets himself fall and curls his body against the door, face hidden on his knees as he tries to hug himself like Noel used to embrace him.

"It hurts, Noel I'm-" Cody stops for a moment when he picks up the choked whimpers coming from Noel and squeezes his eyes closed as hot tears start to fall down his cheeks too. "- I can't, not yet, please."

"Will you- can you listen to me then? Please, just hear me out." Noel begs, voice laced with remorse and Cody wants nothing more that to believe whatever half-assed explanation he can come up with, but he can't, not with his phone weighting heavy on his numb hand, still vibrating with more knifes ready to gut Cody once he sees them.

"Please, I love you, so fucking much it feels like I can't breathe, Cody," Noel whispers and Cody can't say no to that, he can't say no to his same feelings reflected on that rough voice.

  
  



	2. Chapter 2

He stands on wobbly legs, breathes once before unlocking the door and stepping back as he hears Noel standing up and turning the doorknob slowly, as if any sudden movement could lock the door again. 

Cody would say Noel's scared too, but he knows him too well now, or he doesn't at all anymore, either way, he stills himself against their couch for support.

They're nothing more than a few seconds, but he feel stretched on time when the door finally opens and Noel comes in, eyes wide and puffy, shoulders drawn up as if preparing for a fight and his hands pressed firmly against his thighs, a habit he's had for years to stop them from shaking.

It's a clear picture of what panic looks like on Noel and Cody has to sit down before he does something stupid like letting his itching arms act on instinct and hug him.

"Why?" It comes out strangled and oddly flat. His throat is not quite working as it should and Cody's brain's still too muddled with emotions and jagging words to understand what he's even asking.

"I- it's not what you're thinking, I didn't-" Noel starts, eyes cast downwards as he closes the door behind him, the soft click fires something ugly in Cody, the heat building behind his fingertips shoots through his body like rapids and he clenches his hands to hold some control over himself.

"No, don't lie, I just want to know why? Or since when, even fucking how will suffice, you said to hear you out, then go ahead and tell me the whole story, but don't lie to me, not anymore." Cody smirks as the words come out sharp and cold, even though the heat has reached his chest and thighs now, cramping the rigid muscles into fight or flight instinct. 

"Do go ahead and tell me you lied since who fucking knows how long, or even better yet… tell me how idiotic you actually thought I was!" He trusts his phone towards Noel, who catches it without thinking. 

"How entraining it must have been to find me waiting for you every. Single. Night on our bed," Cody punctuates each word, his hands fisted tight against the couch. "While you were cheating on me… with a girl? A fucking girl, Noel? What the fuck?"

"It wasn't like that I just- everything happened so fast and it's not- I'm gay! You know I am, I just-"

"No you're not fucking gay, Noel!-" Cody cuts him off before he finishes that sentence, anger boiling over with every half-assed excuse Noel kept stuttering. "-gay? Noel, gay? Are you fucking insane, what part of tits did you get confused, or didn't you wonder why there was no fucking dick when you were touching her!" 

"Or even better yet! Tell me that it was a slip. Did she fucking, what? Fell on your dick, repeatedly? Fuck you."

"I was confused, you're all I've known and I thought maybe, maybe I'm bi? But I know that's no excuse, Cody, and I know I don't deserve- please just let me fix this."

"Then you should've said so! And no it's no excuse but I would've understood, I- you, fuck!" Cody throws their picture frame, they one they took when they had their first date, in his haste to grasp something, to hold on to something as emotions threaten to destroy him from within.

Noel reaches for him as if sensing his distress but the movement makes him flinch and he drops his hand to his side. "I would've listened… we could've taken some time, I don't even fucking know, but I would've helped you." He trails off after that, consciously ignoring the sharp edge his rant was taking.

"No you wouldn't have reacted like that, you couldn't have, Cody." The words are nothing but a thinly veiled plea, but Cody lets them anger him regardless, lets them pour over him like salt on a cut and burn.

"Yes, yes I would've! Cause that's what people do for the ones they love, truly love, not whatever it is that you felt for me!"

"It is love! God, Cody, you know I love you, so much."

"Then it's not enough! Cause it didn't stop you from fucking that girl since who knows when."

"You don't mean that… please, you don't mean that, I'm sorry, darling, I am."

"I do, and since you won't tell me anything, take your shit and leave."

"No! I'll tell you everything, would that help? If I tell you everything, can I fix this? Can I fix us? Please just let me fix us, you're the best thing that's happened to me, I can't be without you." Noel steps closer, his left knee catches on the small table between their couches and almost knocking over the Cristal vase full of flowers he bought for Cody last night.

"Fix us? There's nothing to fix, Noel! You made sure to burn every single thing we had, there's nothing left!" Cody drops heavily on the couch, his hands covering his face as he tries to keep himself from crying. 

"... I have nothing left." The words run up his throat desperate, like a prayer to a sinful church and his knees ache even though he's not kneeling, but their decaying tone brings color to his cheeks as shame burns another hole in his heart. 

He wants the rage back, he'll welcome the doubt with open arms, cause now Cody's begging, four words charged with pain and desperation, ugly thorns he wanted to keep hidden from the man standing in front of him. He's not supposed to be cutting his chest open again, not supposed to be begging for Noel to hold his breaking parts close when he was the one who broke them, but Cody can't hide from him, has never been able to keep his pain away from him, so he leans on it, he takes a torn sigh and keeps cutting. "I gave you everything, Noel, everything good that I had to give, and every rotten thing too, and you took it, you took everything and left me with nothing else… I'm nothing else but tainted shadows of the life we created together, don't you get it?"

"There's nothing to fix cause we were building on cotton from the beginning, you let me create this whole front, this pretty word, meanwhile you felt what, trapped?" The question lingers on the frozen air like a forgotten lifeline, and Cody lets the twisting shame fester higher inside his lungs as he hopes Noel takes it. His eyes imploring, willing the fucking love of his life to take the out and tell him another pretty lie.

Cody waits on the couch, hands clenching and relaxing as he tries to simmer down under Noel's watchful gaze, he waits, wishing to hear him say that it was a mistake, he got bored, maybe that it was all a lie.

He waits, imploring the universe to not let the next word out of Noel's parting mouth destroy him completely, cause he won't survive and affirmative. Cody may had been able to eventually forgive the scalding hurt of him cheating, maybe, but he can't stand the thought of their life being some kind of fucking cell for Noel.

But he knows those imploring eyes too well, and another sob is ripped from his chest as he hears the answer before Noel says anything. Cody curls on himself as another wave hits him and makes his stomach spasm, his lungs don't pump enough air as his heart stutters, a sharp pain against his bruising ribcage and Cody wonders when everything went wrong.

When did his heaven became Noel's fucking nightmare?

**Author's Note:**

> Let me know what you thought, thanks✨


End file.
